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posted 1 year ago

and I hate it. I’ve got this bunch of thoughts running through my mind but I just can’t put them into proper words. My my.. 

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posted 1 year ago

I feel a sting inside my chest. I feel it eating me all up. I feel horrible. I want to scream it all out. I wanna go somewhere. A place where no one recognizes me. Somewhere I can feel safe and secured even out in the open. Even I’m with people I’m unfamiliar with. 

You know, I miss having someone I can turn to when I’m in desperate need of comfort. I miss having that someone so close to me I can easily reach. I miss feeling whole again. I miss feeling fixed and unbroken. I miss feeling nothing’s missing inside me. I miss that feeling when I sleep at night and wake up in the morning having everything in the world seem all right. I miss that genuine smile I once possessed.

I need to find myself. I want to. But how? All I can feel and see is anxiety, confusion, doubt, despair, fear, and pain. Endless pain. A pain that no matter how I make believe myself that all is well, something comes along and zaps me to what is true. Reality slaps me right on my face. Reality that the pain of healing and coming back to life hurts so bad.

2 notes
posted 1 year ago

Noon. Kapag tinatanong ako kung ano ba ang gusto ko sa isang lalaki o kung ano man ang standards ko when it comes to guys, ang lagi kong sinasabi..

 At kung anu-ano pa na usual na sinasabi ng isang babae. Pero..

Ngayon. Sa tuwing may nagtatanong sakin ng ganyan. Ang unang pumapasok sa isip ko hindi na yung mga kagagahang pinagsasasagot ko noon. Hindi na yung kababawan na yon. Kasi ngayon..

Ngayon ko lang naisip na mas lumalim na pala ang ayaw at gusto ko sa isang lalaki. Di na katulad ng mga simpleng sagot ko noon na gusto ko ganito sya, ganyan sya. I think I’ve gone through that stage wherein I live on fantasies. This is reality. I have to face this. Fantasies don’t exist in real life. 

2 notes
posted 2 years ago

2012 - A FRESH START 

Everything was so different back then. I was different. A lot of things has changed now. A big part of me was taken since that day. A part of me that might be forever missing. A huge part that may possibly get better as days pass but will forever remain broken. 

I have nothing left to give anymore. I cannot help but feel consumed and lost. 

0 notes
posted 2 years ago

Gave me goosies all throughout the video. *falling tears*  

I love you, Lord! 

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posted 2 years ago

BLABLABLABLA 

Me: :D 

Rhy: Wag kang ngingiti! 

Me: Bakit? 

Rhy: Nakakatunaw kasi ih. :’) HAHA. 

Me: Ngiti ni ***? :))) 

Rhy:

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA.

After an hour and a half..

Rhy: Manhid talaga ng ibang tao dyan oh. Hayssss. :< 

Me: Eh? Bakit? D: 

Rhy: Di kaya kita pinapansin. Amp di effective. :))))

Me: Silent treatment na pala yun? HAHAHA. 

1 note
posted 2 years ago

I’m not sure if I like you or I am just way too comfortable spilling out my frustrations and dramas to you or I just enjoy your company too much. A big part of me wants to hold my feelings in. I don’t want to rush things. I don’t want to hurt feelings. I don’t want to complicate things more. I easily get attached and I don’t want it to develop further when I am not even sure of what it is. Nothing seems wrong but nothing seems right either. All things twisted.

4 notes
posted 2 years ago

Afternoon Skype with Father dear… 

Dade: Nasan na si Mama mo? 

Me: Nandito. 

Mama: Oh bakit? 

Dade: Ikaw bigla-bigla ka na lang nawawala! 

Mama: Kausap mo anak mo e.

Dade: Alam mo namang nawawala ako sa sarili pag bigla kang umaalis 

Me: Kadiri ka, Dade. Edi kayo na may love life! 

Both: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

Mama: Ganyan ako kamahal ni Dade mo. Hindi nang-iiwan sa ere. Di tulad ng ibang lalake dyan! 

Me: Sige lang. Ganyanan talagaaaaa!! 

0 notes
posted 2 years ago

My best guy friend, Billy, messaged me on FB. We call each other Muffin. HAHAHA. Ultra gay but whatever. 

I love receiving i miss you messages from this guy. Minsan lang kase ‘to maging ganito ka-sweet e. Savor it! Haha. 

talking about funny shiz from elem days 

B: Eat that! :))) 

K: K. ate it. 

B: How was it? 

K: KADIRI. galing sayo e!

B: No problem! Kinain mo naman :)))

K: HAHAHAHA e kse galing sayo :”> kahit na di masarap okay lang.

B: Ikr :”“> how sweet! Ultra gay again!

K: IKAW PA. :”> tss you just love me that much

B: Ikaw?! Love you?! That much!? Oh please. -___- 

K: EDI HINDI!  

B: Di mo naman ako pinapatapos eh 

K: tapusin mo! 

B: Oo naman i love you that much :)) Kahit na alam ko wala lang yun sayo </3

K: TSK. IT MEANT SO MUCH. <3 

HAHAHAHA. I know, sweet kame. Loool. Self-declared. Here comes the exchange of pick-up linesss. I actually got some of it from blockmates and ofc Tumblr. Haha! 

K: muffin, may eraser ka ba?

B: Bakit? Wala eh :)) 

K: kasi di ka mabura sa isip ko =)) 

B: Weh :))) 

K: k :( 

B: Muffin, pwede ba kong makahingi ng papel? 

K: bakit :| 

B: Papel sa buhay mo <3 :)))) 

K: HAHAHA! BENTA! 

K: pikit ka muffin! daleee. 

B: Bakit? Ano ako uto uto :))

K: EHHH, PANIRA KA NAMAN E HAHA

B: Hahaha bakit nga? 

K: ganyan ang mundo ko pag wala ka. HAHAHAHA 

B: Hahahaha okay :))) 

K: HAY. :( 

B: Muffin? 

K: ano? 

B: Wala lang :))) 

K: AMP KA! letse 

B: Hahahaha amp ka rin! Pero ayaw kitang murahin! 

B: Gusto kitang mahalin :))) 

K: HAHAHAHA KKKK. 

B: Hahaha ampp

K: airport ka ba, muffin? 

B: Hindi eh :))) 

K: k :|

B: Hindi ako airport, bagay tayo <3

He then told me a a boy pick up line and I didn’t react sooo.. 

B: Wala na! :)))

K: wala na. pinutol mo e. nag boy pick up ka bigla! 

B: Tulad mo! Bigla bigla na lang pumapasok sa isip ko. :’) 

K: BOOOM! gusto ko sa puso mo. 

B: Bawal eh. Matagal ka na kasing nandito sa puso ko! :)))

K: HAHAHAHA!! BOOM TALAGA!

Pick up lines went to serious talk. This one’s my favorite. Ngayon ko lang kase nakwento ang pagtetext sa akin ni ex. Medyo mas bitter sya saken ng mga panahong ito. Hahaha! Angerrr. 

To end this long post I know no one cares about. HAHAHA. He’s being sweet again. Owmyyy.